Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
