buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
