I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
