Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
