so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
