Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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