Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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