i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
