1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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