Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
