That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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