I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
