your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
