Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
