woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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