just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
