as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
