she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
