hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
