do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
