I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
