mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
