so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
