Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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