His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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