I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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