no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
