halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
