At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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