I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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