New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
