nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
