If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
