Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
