Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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