If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My balls are so social today.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
