I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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