It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
