At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
