As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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