Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Randomize
