you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
