I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
