i just wanna soil my oats bro
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
