I accidentally had phone sex last night
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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