Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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