Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
