Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
