His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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