I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
