everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I wish there were birth control emojis
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
