Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
